SMALL SECRET FRIEND

As a child my favorite book was the adventures of Poppy.  Poppy was a doll who miraculously came to life, becoming a tiny girl about 8 inches tall. She became a loving and caring companion to the young heroine of the story, who coincidently, was just my age.

How this idea captivated me; the thought of having such a special, unusual friend. The idea captured my imagination, and I wished I could have a “Poppy” too. I made wishes on “The first star I see tonight,” wishes on wishbones and wishes on top of the first two wishes.

How great it would be to have a little Poppy. I could have such a good time making things for her: a little bed out of a matchbook case, tiny pillows from scraps of fabric and miniature blankets out of bits of wool.

She could eat a Cheerio or two for breakfast with an eye dropper full of milk, a sandwich I would make for her, constructed of two cornflakes with a peanut butter and grape jam filling for lunch, and a postage sized pizza for dinner.

I could use maple tree seed pods (which we used to call “Polly noses”) as spoons, and find all sorts of ways to fashion ordinary objects into useful tools for an 8 inch person. And she could come everywhere with me. She would be very comfortable in my fanny pack.

I never did figure out how to get a real life “Poppy” of my own, but I found the next best thing.

We all know that monkeys are the closest relatives to humans, right?

I discovered a monkey so small that it is called a “finger monkey.” Full grown, it fits into a human hand and hangs onto a finger with it’s paws.

These monkeys are the tiniest living primates in the world.

Will they be  available as pets some day? Will they be able to acclimate to our climate after living in the rain forests of South America? Could they be trained, housetrained, and no-bite trained? I don’t know, but now I can dream of another small creature to  nurture, teach and befriend.

I can just see him, swinging from lampshades, scurrying into the pantry seeking snacks, and commandeering a pot holder for his bed.

He’d probably learn to do cartwheels and somersaults. All the neighborhood children would line up to see him. He’d be a bigger hit than Clifford the Big Red Dog. A greater hero than Rin Tin Tin. More curious and smarter than Curious George.

There’s no end to the projects we could plan. When can I have a finger monkey?

Kreativ Blogger Award

Valentine’s Day was extra special this year; I was awarded the Kreative Blogger Award by Sylvia Morice. We met through reading and commenting on someone else’s blog. I greatly respect and enjoy Sylvia’s posts, and recommend them to anyone looking for excellent writing that is a treat to read. I always make time to read her posts, no matter how busy the day becomes.

As part of my obligation I must reveal 10 things about myself that you don’t know.

1) Ayn Rand’s books had a huge impact on me, not to say that I now follow her politics.

2) The older I get the more I appreciate Dr.Seuss.

3) The best thing about having children is the freedom it gives to be silly, play and giggle.

4) Front sections of  newspapers are so depressing that I reach for the Food , Styles and Science sections.

5) I love going to the theater, although I must admit that when the experience is over I often wonder if the hassle of getting there was worth it.

6) My current dilemma is whether to wear my glasses fulltime. The downside is that I look geeky. The positive is that it covers the under eye circles.

7) My brother and I still share memories of our parents and our experiences growing up. It makes me wonder what stories my children and grandchildren will remember about me.

8) I was once a good guitarist. But long isolating practices took too much time out of my life every day. So now I write a blog, which takes hours out of my life every day.

9) I can tolerate stories about sad things that happen to people. But not sad stories about  animals.

10) The most depressing news I had recently is that I shrunk 1  1/2 inches.

My next happy obligation is to award fellow bloggers with the Kreativ Blogger Award,

1) Main Street Musings Blog

2) The Mainland

3) If I Were Brave

4) Bela’s Bright Ideas

5) The Kitchens Garden

6) This Little Lark

7) My Little Corner of Rhode Island

8) Linda Vernon Humor

9) How the hell did I end up here

10) magsx2

Good luck to all the wonderful bloggers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting through wordpress.

NEW CARS, NEW SECRETS AND YOU

Word hasn’t circulated publicly yet. That’s part of what makes this information so compelling. I’ve pulled a few strings and used some of my high placed connections in the car industry. They’ve entrusted me with trade secrets of their developing new ideas.

Until now designers’ focus has been on style: sleeker, sexier, cooler.  Driving new models, they told us, will make us savvier, sexier and more desireable. But people are getting smarter about advertising’s tomfoolery. We who might have been suckered in when we were younger and more gullible, no longer believe car companies’ promises that buying their product will grant the perfect body, perfect complexions, and perfect long hair, preferable blonde, flying in the breeze.

The fact that an enormous number of baby boomers are reaching their 60s finally impresses the manufacturers. Cars will now follow the demands of the consumers with the money.

Keeping their buyers’ identities in mind, the new windshields will be outfitted with wide bands of varilux lenses, offering drivers total viewing options, no matter what their prescription glasses dictate. Distances will be clearer, even at night. Thanks to the US Army, night vision goggle technology will be duplicated in new car windshields. Signs will be readable. Pedestrians will be easy to recognize. Signs in store windows, especially “SALE” signs, will finally be readable without causing fender benders. No longer will accidents happen because a driver slammed on the brakes to read details of  “big savings” or an “annual blowout” notice.

The comfort of the new car seats is now unmatched. The drivers’ seats will be ergonomically designed and individually adjustable. Lumbar support pillows will be released at the touch of a button, and cervical supports will cradle the neck and shoulders. Radiant heat will target stiff or injured areas, bringing instant physical therapy to the driver. And there will be extra sets of shock absorbers installed under drivers’ seats to ease the bumps that aggravate aching backs, caused by the shock of bouncing over flattened carcasses of road kill.

A new interactive button will be standard and will speak. When the driver, having a senior moment, asks, “Where am I going?” The car will answer “To Dr. Taylor, your chiropractor.”

Arthritic knees will rejoice in the new weightless environment being developed. Space technology is being used to perform weightless sensations in the new models, and this weightlessness will take pressure off painful backs. Spinal stenosis patients will experience the new hyperbaric chamber on the road.

At the touch of another button, pills of choice will emerge from the visor. The visor will be pre-stocked with acid reducing pills, anti nausea pills and pain pills. No more will headaches, car sickness or heartburn hamper travel in the new generation of cars.

So rush out to your nearest car dealer and sign on for information about scheduled delivery dates for the exciting new “Drive Younger” models.

CLOSING TIME

They want to close it. I understand the “why,” but how about the “how?” How could a town as large as Morristown be left post-office-less?

The letter came in the mail and included a survey. We were asked to answer all the questions that would help decide the future of Morristown’s Post Office. Can it be that citizens actually have a voice in Post Office decisions? Can it be within my power to stop the close-happy powers in their slimy tracks?

I will help save this needed facility. I will protect the jobs of all the employees working there. I’ll let the survey senders know how valuable the post office is to our town.

Here are some of the questions they asked to determine whether this post office is necessary: all I have to do is check the column of uses as “Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Twice a Year or Never.”

The questions on the questionnaire looked easy enough: do I buy stamps there, “yes’’.   But daily? monthly? once in a decade? I buy stamps when letters bounce back warning, “needs more postage.” If they would stop raising the price of stamps by one penny I’d have stamps with the right postage.  

But then came the nastier, trickier questions.

1) Buying stamp-collecting material. No. I have never been attracted to the sedentary style of this hobby. I much prefer walking, swimming, or hot-air balloon riding. Therefore I do not buy stamp collector materials here or anywhere. I had to check the “never” box.

2) Entering permit or bulk mailings. Could they mean the birthday present I send Aunt Gertrude every April 28th? That’s probably not what the P.O. means at all. Since I don’t do bulk mailings I had to check “never” again.

3) Obtaining federal agency forms like selective service or duck stamps. OK: I give up; what are duck stamps? No, I’m afraid I’ve never asked for one, since I don’t know what they are. Selective service? ME? Nope, not that either. Get ready for another “never.”

4) School Bus Stop: What does that have to do with the post office? This is getting silly.

5) Community gathering place: I can see it now: “Friends of Night Crawlers’ Association” will meet at the post office for our annual meeting.”  Ridiculous. Of course nobody uses the post office as a gathering place. Must I check another “never” box?

If these are the kinds of activities the Morristown Post Office sponsors, and so many “never” boxes were checked, maybe they’re right.

Now I wonder why post offices were invented at all.

ADULT; 1 CHILD; 10

The Helicopter Mom, hovering over her toddler, controlling as many aspects of his life that are possibly controllable, was nervous about what he might learn by watching TV.

She (to Nanny): “Glenda, while I’m at work it’s alright for Jaden to watch one hour of television. But there are certain shows I do not approve of. Please do not allow him to watch “Sponge Bob” or “Tom and Jerry.” Those cartoons are far too violent for a young child.

Glenda agreed to police the shows and to be certain that Jaden would never watch those forbidden, soul destructive, mind blowing programs.

Helicopter Mom (hereafter referred to as “HM”) returned to work, feeling happy and secure about the new TV restrictions she had put in to effect. She was protecting his innocence and felt comfortable in the knowledge that Jaden would no longer be subject to violent cartoons.

One day the entire family was gathered and his grandparents were engaging Jaden in conversation.

Out of the blue and without warning he started talking about “B17 Bombers” and “M1 Rifles.” HM was shocked.

“Glenda, where on earth is Jaden getting that vocabulary and those ideas from?”

“I obeyed your instructions about not allowing him to watch “Sponge Bob” and “Tom and Jerry” cartoons because they’re too violent. And I know how you like him to learn from educational programs.

So I turned on the Public television program “The History Channel.” It was all about World War 11 and he learned lots of history. I knew you’d be pleased.”

I DISCOVERED GEORGE CLOONEY

Making the world a better place is an awesome responsibility. Having George Clooney in it makes me feel so much better.

Every generation needs a heartthrob.

A heartthrob quickens heartbeats without the necessity of riding exercise bikes or jogging. Any cardiologist will tell you the importance of raising your heartrate.

A heartthrob helps us forget reality, and reality isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be.

My grandmother’s generation had Rudy Valli, my mother’s generation had Gregory Peck, and ours has George Clooney.

The first time I became aware of George (how cozy to call him by his first name) was on the popular television sit-com, “Roseanne.” He played an opinionated, rigid boss, one who surely did not foreshadow his future status. Watching him in that role would never suggest the probability of his inducing hero worship, mad crushes or Clooney wannabees.

His character was demanding, aggressive and unfair. His looks were unappealing, unless you like wide sideburns reaching below the cheekbones and a wardrobe consisting of plaid shirts with striped pants. Never did he flash his alluring smile, wink his long lashed blue eyes or play any of his infamous practical jokes.

And he scowled a lot.

George made his employees’ lives on the job unpleasant. He looked more like an actor playing an angry John Travolta role than George Clooney in a George Clooney role. But a George Clooney role didn’t yet exist.

As mean spirited as the character was, the actor had a star quality: a charisma hard to define. I saw it, I knew it, and I waited for the rest of the world to recognize what was so obvious.

Now, with the academy awards approaching, and with his Golden Globe glory fresh, I am proud to take full responsibility for George Clooney’s success.

Even though he doesn’t thank me in his acceptance speech.

“Unplugged” Questionnaire

My blog-friend, Spree (cooking-spree), invited me to participate in the “Unplugged” Questionnaire. Although I am not a food blogger I am a food fan and a fan of trying new recipes. Cooking has been an interest of mine for many years, and although I don’t enjoy the drudgery of every day meal preparations, I love cooking for special occasions. Having company is my excuse to experiment with new recipes. While I find it monotonous to prepare the same foods day after day it is fun to fill the table with friends who unknowingly may become guinea pigs for my new ideas.

What or who inspired you to start your blog?

I have always loved writing, and after watching my fumbling, submitting articles and getting rejected, my son suggested that I wrote my own blog. He is computer savvy, and set up my blog on wordpress. So I did, and so I am. It was great advice. I love my blog and all the friends I have met through writing it. And it is so much fun responding to comments people leave.

Who is your foodie inspiration?

I loved a radio program that Arthur Schwartz once hosted. He taught me many things about cooking. BUT the best thing I ever heard him say was,”What does being hungry have to do with eating?”

Your greasiest most batter splattered cook book is?

Although I have many cook books I find that I look to my own recipe files. They are filled with recipes friends have given me, recipes I cut out from newspapers and magazines and recipes printed out from blogs.

The best thing you have ever eaten in another country, where was it and what was it?

For a New Jerseyite, California is like another country, and almost as far away. I love their originality in preparing wonderful salads, fresh seafood and inventive combinations of dishes.

Another Food Blogger’s table you would like to eat at?

I love two food bloggers’ posts and recipes. They are: cooking-spree and thekitchensgarden.

What one kitchen gadget would you like Santa to bring you? (if money were no object)

I once bought a cheap slow cooker. It made succulent, juicy chicken and I loved it. But it cracked and became unusable. I got what I paid for: only a memory about how good a dinner I could prepare. Now I don’t have the device to repeat the performance. But if Santa would bring me a GOOD slow cooker I promise to make room in my cabinets to store it properly.

Who taught you how to cook?

As much as I’d love to give the credit to my mom, all she ever cooked were things that could be broiled. I have taken many cooking classes in ethnic cooking such as Chinese, Indian and Spanish cuisines. With the various techniques under my belt I moved on to Gourmet magazine, which I adored. Every time it arrived I stopped everything and nestled with the new issue. I felt inspired and anxious to try new recipes every time I read that wonderful magazine. I wrote a blog commemorating the memory of Gourmet. I was so sad when it stopped publishing. (BOO to Conde Nast!)

I’m coming to you for dinner, what is your signature dish?

I love experimenting with new recipes. If I prepare something amazing I put the recipe in my recipe file. I have no signature dish because I’m always trying something new. Sometimes I forget about a dish I made until someone asks me for the recipe. Then it’s like a new awakening, as I find it and prepare it again.

What is your guilty food pleasure?

I always joke about having a hot fudge banana split. In truth I haven’t eaten one in years. Where can you get good hot fudge any more? Not the corn syrup stuff, but real hot fudge? Maida Heater has a lovely recipe in her cook book, but when I read the ingredient list I immediately feel my blood pressure rising and my arteries clogging.

 

Reveal something about yourself that others would be surprised to learn?

I wanted to be a veterinarian. But when I got to college and enrolled in advanced chemistry and organic chemistry I realized that I did not have the ambition or talent to go through the course of study to become one.

My task to finish this off is to select 5 additional bloggers to answer these same questions.

1) I would love to invite Celi at mykitchensgarden. Celi lives on a farm in Oklahoma and has  a lovely blog full of her commentaries about life on the farm, delightful pictures of the animals she raises, and wonderful recipes using fresh healthy ingredients.

2) Chica Andaluza, an interesting Londoner who married a Spaniard and moved to Spain with him. She has a great personality, beautiful animals and delicious recipes.

3) Lifeinarecipe comes to us from Canada. Cindy Knight writes beautifully, and tells stories about where the recipes come from and her experiences with them.

4) TheCompleteCookbook, by Mandy. Mandy is from South Africa, and her blog is an interesting mix of stories, different ingredients and unusual dishes.

5) Prominadeplantings is from a seaside town on the southern coast of England. She plants her own crops and uses them in her excellent recipes.

I thank Antoinette of cooking-spree for giving me the opportunity to take part in this questionnaire.